Sad face I have now...

I'm back from my meditation retreat and it was fabulous.  I have to say, under the circumstances, as you will read below, the timing was perfect for me and I'm so grateful for every calm, clear and equanimous moment of those 10 days. I learned so much... Everyone should do it!  Check out the http://www.dhamma.org for more info and to find a Vipassana Center near you!  I will post more on this later because I unfortunately, do have bigger news...

On Tuesday, November 14, 2006 (the day before I went on the retreat) a mortal wound was inflicted on the Henry Mancini Institute.  The Board of Directors voted to close down the organization.  You can read the press release by visiting the website or I think I might host the pdf on this blog.  This bit of PR just goes to show that fiber or a musical phrase aren't the only things that can be spun beautifully, if you know what I mean...

I could spend hours blogging about what really happened and how I feel about the history that led up to that decision and the reality of the action itself, but unfortunately I don't believe it is in anyone's best interest to do anything but move on.  The hard part is that there are a lot of people... alumni, faculty, artists, donors... who want to save the HMI.  I would like to save the HMI too, but it's so complicated.  I need to figure out what to do with all the "Save the HMI" energy that is coming at me.  I feel like if I don't do something, I will be letting down a lot of people and the amazing mission that I have lived and breathed like my life depended on it for the last six years.  But I'm exhausted... and I've personally been ready to move on for some time now (this was my first job out of grad school... I couldn't work at the HMI the rest of my life).  I was just waiting for the right moment (preparing the staff, developing a handbook, carefully executing a two year exit strategy.)  This definitely isn't how I imagined that moment of departure would be.

Anyway, really the only thing that would save the HMI now is a large sum of money and it would have to materialize fast.  I'm talking about millions, at least one or two and some kind of commitment for the future.  Any takers?

It's really sad to be losing such vital organization.  The future of music will feel its absence.  We really were on the verge of making a universal impact... becoming a household name.  We were already changing so many lives for the better...who knows what potential will go unrealized because of this.  All I can say is what a shame.

So, now, I'll state the obvious.  I'm losing my job, getting laid-off, pink-slipped, whatever you want to call it.  As far as I know, right now, my last day at work is December 22.  It's very difficult imagining myself working anywhere else. Like I said before, the mission of the HMI is so engrained in me, so bonded in my psyche, so much a part of who I am, how I have defined myself.   It will be very difficult for me to love another...

But, I know there is a bright side for me and when I'm not a little frightened, I am excited about it.  Lots of opportunity, room for new ideas, new passions, new directions.  It's a real roller coaster ride right now.  I'll try to blog again when I'm on the upside... right now I can't help but just be sad. 

Comments

[Jason]

Oh no! Very sad news. :-( <HUGS> Hope to see you soon so we can chat.

[Francesca]

I am so sorry, Jill. This is a hard blow. I hope you'll find the energy to move on to your next project quickly and that you will love it, even though that doesn't seem possible to you at the moment.
Good luck!